Whether We See it or Not
This is a blog I wrote when my daughter's eyesight had finally deteriorated enough to be classified as legally blind. With my new blog here at eLuminary, I decided to post this as an intro so that I can share the stories of our journey. Sarah has Retinitis Pigmentosa and while that makes me very sad, SHE makes me VERY proud...
The New Year always makes me giddy. Maybe it’s the lingering buzz from the holiday season. Maybe it’s the symbolic nature of starting afresh. A wiping of the slate proffered up by the God’s as it were. Maybe it’s just the opportunity coughexcusecough to continue the celebration. Perhaps, and most likely in my case, it’s that damn chant that’s always running through my head. “Seeing is not believing. Believing is seeing.” I always have high expectations for the New Year and I am seldom disappointed.
So, this year began with an (so far) extremely mild winter which makes this scribbler extremely happy. It was foretold though, by yours truly. When we bought our home, we had been living in the city. We had no need of large tires, heavy snow shovels or plugged in machinations for moving snow. Hence the double dose of cabin fever we suffered when we got snowed in, not once but twice. Red spots and all. We learned our lesson. I do not look good in cabin fever. So, we bought a snow shovel and traded in our teeny, tiny car for one with enough clearance to not rub bellies with 3 inches of snow. So there you have it. We are now prepared for snow and ice. And it’s 60 degrees in January. (She says with a huge smile on her face. No red spots, none at all)
I have been counting my blessings and tweaking my resolutions. I get to go to some phenomenal training this week. I was chosen along with 9 others to go and I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. I got a great teaching schedule for February. My friend got a badly needed NEW LIVER! (The world is good. The world is very good.) Mr. Scribbler and I managed to survive the holidays with our new healthy lifestyles still intact and continue to grow stronger both in health and will. I have a brand new and amazing management team at work that promises to continue our growth there as well.
And, I found - or perhaps rediscovered is a better word – a new hero today. As I was sitting on the sofa watching Twilight Zone and going over my notes for the upcoming trip I got a text message from my 28 year old, married daughter. She is the mommy to my 7 year old and 4 year old grandsons. All it said was, “As of today, I am no longer driving. Doc says my peripheral vision is so bad I’m legally blind.” It’s no longer safe for her drive. Sarah, my first, only and favorite daughter has Retinitis Pigmentosa. It is essentially a fancy word for damaged retinas. It causes tunnel vision, night blindness, and eventually, color and sharpness can be affected. You can read more about here if you’re interested. http://www.blindness.org/index.php?option=com_content&id=50&...
Anyway, as I was sitting there celebrating all that I am so thankful for, my immediate reaction was heartbreak. What more do we want for our children than full, happy, healthful lives? I had visions of her stroking her children’s faces to “see” them. Turning an ear toward the door rather than looking when her wonderful husband walks in. I got a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I asked a few questions and finally, “How are you? Are you ok?” Her response filled me with pride, gratitude and a tremendous sense of relief. The conversation follows:
Sarah: “Yes. I’m fine with it actually. Paul said I’m taking it extremely well. At least I now know that it’s unsafe for me to drive and I need to find other avenues. I can work that out.” (We’ve been thinking the same thing since the day she got her learner’s permit)
Me: “That’s my girl :c) Love you.”
Sarah: “Love you too. Glass half full, right?”
Me:“Yep. It could always be worse.”
I still have that lump in my throat, and my eyes are still a bit damp. But my daughter with the lovely, vibrant blue eyes has reminded me again that perspective and attitude is everything. For a short moment my heart was breaking. Now, it’s so full it may burst anyway. Yes, I have much to be thankful for and I’m fairly certain that I don’t deserve half of it. So my biggest resolution for 2012 – right behind the blog a week for Pyper – is to pay it forward. I’m going to earn all the goodness and all the heroes in my life. And, thank you Sarah, for reminding me that when I die, I will have done what I set out to do; to leave the world just a bit better than I found it. I had you.
So come on 2012. Bring it on!